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Pretty Poison

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[07 Oct 2009|10:50am]

Tomorrow we leave on vacation... We're going to Massachusetts, yay! I finally found an opportunity to go and talked Adam into it and I've been anxiously awaiting this trip for months. I get all teary thinking about how homesick I am. It's been 6 years since I moved to Oregon, which to me feels like an eternity. I've afraid that I'll either love it so much and want to move back or I'll be dissapointed and realize that it's not as great as I remembered, ruining my wistful childhood memories. Even more scary though is reuniting with family. I haven't spoken to my father for 8 years. I have only exchanged Christmas cards with my grandmother. I am really nervous about seeing them but I'll be glad I did. I hope.

Our plans are to spend Friday in Boston, Saturday in Salem, Sunday through Tuesday visiting with family and seeing the Cape. Wednesday we have tickets to see AFI in Providence.

Even if the trip sucks I'll still be 3,000 miles away from work and stress.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

2 atrocities| inflict me

I've got meaty legs [24 Mar 2009|03:05pm]
So I've been losing weight lately... not on purpose, but I'm happy about it. I didn't really need to lose weight but had about 5-10 lbs of fat, mostly on my stomach and thighs. So I decided to try out the "skinny jeans" look. I ordered a size 5 online. One would think a size 5 is small enough for skinny jeans, right? Well I almost had to call 911 trying them on because it was stuck on my calf and it was cutting off my circulation completely. Jesus christ! My hips and thighs would have fit in those stupid pants but they are definitely not made for adult knees and calves. I don't really want to have to pay return shipping on these pants so I might try to stretch them out. It's almost like I refuse to accept defeat. I know I am skinny and would look cute in skinny jeans... but who the hell is supposed to be fitting in those pants? Maybe an 11 year old.
inflict me

[07 Feb 2009|07:22pm]

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

inflict me

Technology [07 Feb 2009|07:22pm]

Today I got an iPhone and I can now write in my journal wherever,
whenever, so I think I will be updating on a regular basis again. The iPhone was a birthday gift from my parents. I am currently watching my nephews full time and I get really isolated during the pday so I think it's going to help me get through those 11 hour days being stuck out in Forest Grove with 2 little kids. I just need to get used to the tiny keyboard.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

inflict me

My New Addiction [07 Nov 2008|09:44am]
[ mood | bored ]

2 atrocities| inflict me

Hopped up on Caffeine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [16 Oct 2008|12:06pm]
[ mood | awake ]

So I decided to switch from my normal Crystal Light Energy to black tea, in hopes that it lowered my caffeine intake and was healthier for me. Well I finished my tea over an hour ago and my heart is racing and I feel light headed and really hopped up. I was browsing jobs on jobdango and I came across one I wanted that was 12.50 an hour and was right down the street from me. So I called the temp agency it was listed through and they took my information and then said they filled that position last week. How could that be, they just posted it yesterday!! The guy said they did have 2 openings, one at 9 an hour that was at least 30 minutes from here that was for a cell phone company and the other was a Business to Business sales starting at 9.50 plus commission. I said no thanks to both. It's really shitty that I started working with no experience at Stream 3 years ago starting at 9.50 an hour. There is no way I will take any less than 11 an hour, and even that is back peddling from what I was making before. Why is this so difficult? Yesterday I applied for a nanny position but when the woman contacted me she was crazy psycho, saying that I would have to give her son a bath and a massage every morning and during nap times I would be asked to chop vegetables and do house chores. And I would not be allowed to leave to go for walks for at least a few months and she worked from home and would be around all the time. EWWWWWW. NO thank you. I am so hyper right now.

I am voting for Obama. I voted for him in the Primary and have supported him from the beginning. I was appalled at John McCain's views on abortion that he expressed last night at the debate. I was personally offended that he called Obama "Pro-Abortion" instead of pro-choice. I believe women should have a choice no matter what the circumstances. Imposing one's religious beliefs on the whole country is completely unconstitutional. If a woman doesn't want to have children but accidentally got pregnant she would be forced by law to carry the child to term? Pregnancy is a serious deal and changes your body forever. For some women, pregnancy causes serious life-threatening illnesses. I just don't see this country moving in that direction and I don't see McCain as our President. I am glad that the polls show Obama ahead. I don't believe there is a miracle cure for our country and it's going to take years to get it back on track, but at least he can help us move forward, not backward. There's less than 3 weeks to go until the election and I am confident that Obama will win.

Well anyway.. on to more job searching...

1 atrocity| inflict me

[20 Sep 2008|09:57am]
So it's been 5 years since I moved to Oregon. Where has the time gone? I really thought I would feel at home by now. I miss Massachusetts like crazy. I need to visit, but that would require money which requires a job, which I don't have at the moment. My parents went back for a visit a few years ago and after the trip they didn't know why they missed Mass because it's much nicer here. I guess I don't really have the strong urge to move back there, but I just really want to see it with my own eyes again, and show Adam because he's never been to New England and at all and it would be fun to show him where I grew up. I've always wanted to visit in October so I could go to the Salem festival they have every year. Oh well, it's not going to happen this year.

- There is barely any history in this state. Massachusetts has 200 years on this place. For example, the town of Falmouth was incorporated in 1686, and Hillsboro, where I live now, was incorporated in 1876.

- There are too many people crammed in here. I know that sounds weird because Oregon is a huge state but the Portland Metro area is seriously huge. It's a sprawling city. From what I've seen, once you get outside of the Metro area, you are kind of in the middle of nowhere. I like that we have the option of 5 grocery stores within a 5 minute drive from our apartment, but god damn I just want some space. According to the 2000 Census, Falmouth has a population of 32,660 and the town is 44.2 square miles of land. Hillsboro had a population of 70,187 but it's now estimated to be over 88,000. The city has a total area of 21.6 square miles. So Hillsboro is double the population of Falmouth on half the amount of land. This means backyards bigger than a 6'x6' slab of concrete are hard to come by.

- It rains here, a lot. In the winter I get depressed from not seeing the sun for so long. Annually, Falmouth receives more inches of rain than Hillsboro, but on average Hillsboro has 161 days of rain where Falmouth only has 77. And those 161 days are mostly condensed into the winter months. Falmouth spreads it's rain out over the whole year. I think I go so long without seeing the sun here that I seriously get depressed.

- From where I live now, I'd have to drive almost 2 hours to get to the ocean. And it's not the type of ocean you swim in unless you're stupid. I really took for granted growing up in Cape Cod having the beach so near. One of my fondest childhood memories was going to Dairy Queen to get ice cream and then parking at the beach to eat it to watch the waves roll in. The best place around here to park and eat is a man-made pond with mean geese. Or the Sonic drive-in that's always packed.

- Boston vs. Portland. In comparison, the tallest building in Boston is 790 feet and the tallest building in Portland is 546 feet.

So I suppose that I'm just going to have to learn to like it here because I'm going to be here as long as I'm married to Adam, or at least as long as Adam has family here.
inflict me

[22 Mar 2007|02:01pm]
So I quit my job about 3 weeks ago. There are so many reasons why... but the main reason was it was effecting my health. It was stressful to do something I hate every day, and that was working on Adobe Sales. It was ok for the first 2 weeks on the phones when we were still sort of in training and got to ask for help... but afterwards they had me sitting with people who weren't on my team and my manager only spoke to me once. I didn't know enough about the products and I hated getting asked the same 4 or 5 things over and over and over and then I would get yelled at and called stupid. So anyway I was stressed out and I didn't really have anyone to talk to at work and the worst part was even though I was really busy getting call after call, the day still dragged on slowly. I started growing gray hairs like crazy and my face broke out and my period was like a week early and only lasted a day, and I felt so sick every morning. I took 2 pregnancy tests becausee I thought I was pregnant. I guess I just hated going to work so much that it made me ill.

So anyway, I quit and I didn't give 2 weeks notice but I did leave on good terms. I've been depressed since quitting. I had a driver's test last week to get my license and I failed. I also interviewed for a job I really wanted and I didn't get it. Anyway, hopefully this week will be better. I had an interview yesterday and they asked me to come back for a 2nd interview, which gives me hope. I also have another driver's test tomorrow and hopefully this time I won't fail. I've been driving quite a bit since then just so I can get practice, but Adam has to go with me and he kills my confidence. He's not a good teacher, but I really appreciate him letting me drive because he gets car sick if he's a passenger. He'll say something like "You're driving like shit" and then I will drive even worse. Blah it's so depressing anyway that I'm 21 and I still don't have a license.

So that's about it. My life for the past couple weeks has been like this: Wake up around 10-11am. Sit on the couch all day, watching tv, going online or playing games on my laptop, or playing Zelda on Wii. I do this until about 4 or 5pm, when I am either starving or I feel like showering because I haven't showered in 3 days. Then I watch some tv some more, maybe cook dinner, and then stay up until 2 or 4am.

At least I'm spending some quality time with my dog.
1 atrocity| inflict me

survey [31 Oct 2006|11:57pm]
[ mood | tired ]

1. How old will you be in five years?

2. What month is your birthday?

3. How tall are you?
5' 11"

4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks?
Actually having Thanksgiving off and only having to work 3 hours the day after so I can see my sister.

5. What's the last movie you saw?
Trick or Treat

6. Who is the last person you called?

7. Who was the last person to call you?

8. What was the last text message you received?
Adam asking me how my day was going today.

9. Do you prefer call or text?
I prefer text while I'm at work, since I can't answer the phone

10. Do you have any siblings?
One sister, year and half older

11. What were you doing at 2am last night?

12. Are your parents married/separated/divorced?
Divorced and both are remarried

13. When is the last time you saw your mom?
Saturday (3 days ago)

14. what color are your eyes?

15. What time did you wake up today?
5:20 AM

16. What are you wearing right now?
Jeans, tank top, sweater, sweatshirt, beanie, and vans.

17. What's your favorite Christmas song?
O Holy Night

18. Where is your favorite place to be?
In bed, sleeping

19. Where is your least favorite place to be?
In a meeting at work

20. Where would you go if you could go anywhere?

21. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years?
Most likely still in Oregon

22. Do you tan or burn?
I only burn if I don't use sunblock

23. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
serial killers or burgelers

24. What was the last thing that made you laugh-hard?
My cat

25. How many TVs do you have in your house?

26. Who do you miss most?
My family

27. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer?
I have a laptop

28. Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
I sleep in pajamas

29. What color are your sheets?

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

31. What is your favorite season?

32. What do you like about fall?
Halloween, being able to wear scarfs and hats

33. What do you like about winter?
Snow and Christmas

34. What do you like about the summer?
Being warm and sunlight

36. How many states have you lived in?
2, Massachusetts and Oregon

37. How many cities/towns have you lived in?
6, Falmouth MA, Bellingham MA, Cambridge MA, Fall River MA, Tualatin OR, Hillsboro OR

38. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?
shoes and socks

39. Are you a social person?
Not really even though I need social contact to be happy

40. What was the last thing you ate?
A snickers

41. What is your favorite restaurant?
Outback or Fire n Ice

42. What is your favorite ice cream?

43. What is your favorite dessert?

44. What is your favorite kind of soup?
chicken noodle

45. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich?

46. Do you like Chinese food?
Oh god yes, I love moo shu

47. Do you like coffee?
I only like frozen coffee drinks

48. How many glasses of water, a day, do you drink on average?

49. What do you drink in the morning?
Mountain Dew Code Red, sometimes I have water or OJ first

50. Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?
I like to sleep with Adam at night but it's nice to have the whole bed to myself on my days off

51. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?
I have my own side

52. Do you know how to play poker?
Yes, but I've never played with real money

53. Do you like to cuddle?

54. Have you ever been to Canada?
Yes, I've been to Ontario, near the Canadian side of Niagara Falls

55. Do you have an addictive personality?
Not really

56. Do you eat out or at home more often?
Eat out, but I'm trying to change that

58. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you?

59. Do you want kids?
Yes, someday.

60. Do you speak any other languages?

61. Have you ever gotten stitches?
I got stiches in my mouth a few times

62. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
a few times

63. Do you prefer an ocean or a pool?
it depends where the ocean is

64. Do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seats?
Window seat

65. Do you know how to drive stick?
not really

66. What is your favorite thing to spend money on?

67. Do you wear any jewelry 24/7?
my wedding and engagement ring

68. What is your favorite TV show?

69. Can you roll your tongue?

70. Who is the funniest person you know?

71. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
Yes, I have a teddy bear

72. What is the main ring tone on your phone?
Umm... I don't remember, I usually have my ringer off

73. Do you still have clothes from when you were little?
No but I have my baby shoe

74. What color are your bedroom walls?

75. Do you turn off the water while you brush your teeth?

76. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
I removed my closet doors

77. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of

78. Do you flirt a lot?
yes with my husband

79. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
sweet and sour sauce

80. What is your favorite food?
breakfast foods

81. Can you change the oil on a car?
yeah sure

82. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket?

83. Have you ever run out of gas?

84. What is your usual bedtime?
about 11pm

86. Do you read the newspaper?

87. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?

88. Best comedian?
don't know

89. Do you watch soap operas?

90. Do you dance in the car?
hell yes

91. What's your dream girl/guy like?
Brad Pitt

92. Do you have more girl or guy friends?
I don't really have friends...

93. Who did you last hang out with?

94. Do you sleep in school?
I am not in school anymore thank god but yes I slept through most of high school

95. Finally,are you happy right now?
pretty much

1 atrocity| inflict me

[12 Sep 2006|11:34pm]
My Interests Collage!Collapse )
Create your own! Originally Written By ga_woo, Hosted and ReWritten by darkman424
inflict me

Mother Fucker [16 Mar 2006|08:43pm]
Find me on MySpace and be my friend!

I talked to the biggest asshole on the phone at work today and he made me cry! At least it was at the end of the day and I only had an hour left but he was such a jerk! I was able to take his shit for like 3 minutes and then I just broke down. I couldn't take it anymore. He was like berating me and trying to break me down. Anyway, work for the most part is going great. I'm doing really well and I like it. So yeah, besides the jerks and creeps that call me it's pretty sweet.

Adam and I stayed at the Avalon Hotel & Spa on Tuesday night as a wedding gift from his dad. It was so nice, we got massages and ordered a shit ton of room service.

Anyway I'm feeling tired and hungry and cranky. So bye.
1 atrocity| inflict me

[09 Mar 2006|09:06pm]
<td align="center"> Jennifer Austin --

Sexually stunning

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com</td>
inflict me

always destroy [22 Feb 2006|11:12pm]
[ mood | happy ]

So it's been a while since I've updated. I know you're all wondering how my new job is going.... well it's going pretty good. I started on the phones last Thursday and I got 3 calls, Friday 2 calls, Saturday 1 call, and Monday 3 calls. My hours are 9 A.M. to 8 P.M. but I have Sunday, Tuesday, and Wednesday off. It's pretty hard to adjust to such long days, but it isn't horrible. I got my first choice of schedules, because I wanted to have days off with Adam.

Training for work was fun and I really liked most everything I was working with. I actually didn't get a very good score on the final exam and they made me come in for an extra day of training (overtime pay!). The cubicle they put me sucked. All the cubes are 4 people to a cube, and in my cube 2 of the people were fired and the cube across from me were people I didn't really have anything in common with, and after 3pm they all left and I was all lonely, so I guess I just looked pathetic enough and my manager moved me in a cube with cool people.

I never thought it would be so hard to be soooo bored. I sit in a chair at a computer for 10 hours waiting for phone calls... and the most I've ever gotten was 3 calls in a day. I asked to do emails though so it's at least a little something more to do. I spend hours trying to find websites that aren't blocked by Surf Control, doing Soduku puzzles, and reading. I get paid to keep myself busy. Haha it's pretty sweet. But I hope the call volume goes up a little bit before I poke my eyes out.

I got my new social security card today with my new name! Jennifer Marie Austin! Yay! It's official now. I just need to go to the DMV to get a new ID.... Nooooo!

Oh yeah I bruised my tailbone on a couch at work and it hurt for a few days and went away but now it hurts again! I can't go to the doctor until my insurance starts in May and I don't want to claim any worker's comp or anything. I hope it just goes away.

We went shopping today and I got a bra, some books, and an Ipod Nano! It's awesome. It takes me 45 minutes to get to work on the bus/max/walking so it will help a ton.

God, who would have thought I would have a job being on the telephone? When I was younger I'd rather starve than call Pizza Hut. Now I have to put on a cheery voice and say "Thank you for calling ______ Customer Care. My name is Jennifer. How can I help you today?"

inflict me

I'm a workin' girl [01 Feb 2006|10:34pm]
So I started my new job on Monday. So far I'm really liking it. Training is for 2 weeks and it's pretty crazy how much information they throw at you in one day. I actually came out of my shell by the second day and I feel really comfortable and confident. I guess I just never knew my potential! I am actually going up to the shy people. Everyone on my team is really nice and I really like the product we support. I signed a non-disclosure agreement so I am never allowed to say the company I am providing support for but I can tell you that the product hasn't even launched yet, which is pretty exciting. It's a brand new company and the 30 or so people on our account are the only Customer Service Agents in the US. I'm learning a lot and meeting new people and I'm feeling really good about it.

Monday I had an interesting experience. I was unaware that on the MAX blue line there is a train that stops at a certain point and then goes "out of service". I was supposed to get off at the last stop but stupid me stayed on. So the MAX train slows down a lot and I look around and I'm the only person on it. So I thought it was a little weird. Then the train starts turning into the 'train parking lot' type thing. Then it pulls up and stops. The driver gets out and runs to another train. He obviously didn't see that I was still on the train so I ran after him and I was like "Hey! Was I supposed to get off?" Well he tried to make me feel better about it because I was really embarassed. I was also really freaked out because I thought I was going to get stuck on the train. So the guy attached some trains together and then let me out of the gate and I called Adam to come get me. That was my first MAX experience in a long time, and it wasn't good. But luckily there have been no problems since.

I can't wait for my first paycheck.
inflict me

I got me a job, or two. [24 Jan 2006|05:48pm]
[ mood | giddy ]

So today I had 2 job interviews, one with MPI, Merchant Processing Inc. and one with Stream, a call center. I got hired at both but I'm going with Stream. MPI seemed weird, they talked to me for like 15 minutes and hired me after showing me my "earning potential" for setting up appointments to sell merchants their bank card services. Seemed weird to me. Stream is in a really nice building in a business center and it seems a lot more my style. I am going to be in Sales but it's inbound calls. Training starts Monday and it's 8-5. I don't know what my real work schedule will be like but since I'm taking the bus it will probably be not too bad.
Anyway, I'm happy that I got a job and it seems like it will be cool. Yay for me!

3 atrocities| inflict me

Where I've Lived [22 Jan 2006|06:43pm]
So I was bored so I decided to find all the places I've lived on Google Maps.

We'll start from the beginning...Collapse )
5 atrocities| inflict me

[21 Jan 2006|11:52pm]
How much you've changed...Collapse )
inflict me

[18 Dec 2005|02:12pm]
So I'm an old married lady now. The ceremony was short and sweet and I'll have pictures soon... We spent the night at the Avalon Hotel and Spa and it was sooo nice and we got massages the next morning. I want a massage every week and I'll be happy. We were supposed to have our party tonight at my parent's house but the sky decided to dump freezing rain and snow all over the place so we're postponing it until tomorrow. Stan bit my glasses and there are puncture wounds in my lenses and it's so freaking annoying. I went to the eyeglass place and it started snowing as soon as I got there so I had to go home. I'm stuck with the wounded glasses for another day or two. Adam's at work and I told him to come home. I hate it when it snows here, they just shut down the roads and everything. We bought a bunch of firewood last night so at least we'd be warm if the power went out. I'm pretty stressed out and I will be stressed out until I know everyone I care about is home safe. Hey, maybe I won't have to work tomorrow...
20 atrocities| inflict me

Big news! [08 Dec 2005|07:05am]
I'm getting married next week!
1 atrocity| inflict me

[07 Nov 2005|05:21pm]
[ mood | happy ]

Today I asked for a raise and I got one... Yay me! Now instead of $2.50 an hour I'm going to be making $3.00. It still seems like really shitty but it will help out a lot. It's an extra $100 a month. Adam and I were thinking about doing a home business, we just haven't come up with any good ideas yet. It'd be awesome to make some extra income on the side. The baby has been a lot more work lately. She is crawling and sleeping less, eating solid food. She's only 6 months old now and she's already standing up in her crib.
Stan is being a punk lately. He gets really hyper and runs around like a madman and he bites and scratches, but he's still my cutie baby. We're going to get some SoftPaws for him. They're like rubber caps for his claws. My hands are so fucked up, all scratched and bitten. He got me in the lip yesterday, like a fish hook. Man that hurt.

Anyways I'm doing pretty good. Adam freaked out the other day because the cotton from his q-tip came off in his ear. He got dizzy and almost puked. So I finally got him to call and make an appointment with a doctor.

I can't wait until Thanksgiving. I love turkey dinner, with all the mashed potatoes, stuffing, and yummy vegetables. I am going to bake up a few pumpkin pies again this year. My sister will be visiting for Thanksgiving this year. Adam's mom invited my parents and sister over for Thanksgiving and they actually said yes, and then I think my mom is going to have dinner at her house the day after. So turkey X2 for me! There's supposed to be a baby shower on the Saturday after Thanksgiving for Brenna, Adam's brother Jay's wife (they got married last week). It doesn't seem like so long ago that I went to Kristine's shower, and now he's having another baby. It's going to be a boy this time. It would be cool if he moved back home from California and then I could babysit both his kids. Everyone is kinda bummed because they live so far away. Jay thinks his priority is his child with Brenna, and Jadyn isn't really important to him. When he moved he said he would visit once a month, but that hasn't really worked out. I guess he can't really leave his pregnant wife.

So bye for now.

inflict me

Stan [22 Oct 2005|04:20am]
Look at my kitten! He's so cute. His name is Stan
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
10 atrocities| inflict me

[11 Oct 2005|07:12am]

Your Linguistic Profile:

45% General American English

40% Yankee

10% Dixie

5% Upper Midwestern

0% Midwestern

inflict me

[21 Sep 2005|05:05pm]

LJ Interests meme results

  1. art:
    This is a very general interest. I really like art of all kinds.
  2. children:
    This is a little creepy to have as an interest, but I like kids. I want kids in the future, and I watch a baby as my job so I guess I'm just one of those people that like kids.
  3. crosstide:
    Crosstide is the band in which Adam's friend Bret is the lead singer. They are awesome and actually might be famous some day. They are already on the radio here in Portland.
  4. fashion:
    For a while I wanted to be a fashion designer, but I realized it wasn't really for me, so now I want to be an interior designer. I just want to design, damn it!
  5. horror:
    Okay I must have put this here during my goth phase or to attract guys that like horror. I'm really not all too psyched about horror. I guess because I'm surrounded by it at this very moment because Adam is obsessed!
  6. memoirs:
    I want to write a memoir some day, and I like to read them.
  7. paganism:
    Paganism interests me but I don't really give much of a damn about it to actually study it any further.
  8. roses:
    Um roses are nice.
  9. tattoos:
    Someday, I'll get a tattoo of the flower animation in Pink Floyd's the Wall.
  10. white oleander:
    White Oleander is one of my favorite books.

Enter your LJ user name, and 10 interests will be selected from your interest list.

inflict me

New Car [25 Aug 2005|07:57am]
So Adam bought a new car. A 2005 Honda Accord.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Isn't it pretty?

I had my doctor's appointment for my accident followup, and they run a bunch of tests and they have to run even more. I have to wear a "halter" for 24 hours to monitor my heart. Yesterday they did an EKG, a chest x-ray, and blood work. The doctor says I have a heart murmur. I'm a little scared of this whole thing, I might have to take medication. I don't know how I'm going to afford medication, especially now we'll have car payments.
Just one mroe thing to stress me out.

I'm going to try on wedding gowns on Saturday. It should be fun.
inflict me

Fuck [12 Aug 2005|11:10am]
[ mood | sore ]

Adam and I got in a car accident last night. I suggested we pick up McDonald's for dinner so on the way home we got rear-ended by some huge van. It was a nightmare. Adam was screaming for a few seconds and I'm sure I was... my chest hurt really bad and then came the panic attack. I was fumbling around in the car trying to fix the burgers (why? I have no idea) and trying to find my glasses. I hit my leg on the dash and other than the panic attack I was fine. Sat on the grass and the cops were there right away. There were 4 cars total. Adam's car got the worst damage. So I light up a cigarette and ask them for paramedics. The paremedics come and they ask me all kinds of questions and I told them my panic attack was worse than I've ever had. Adam had a stiff neck only so he decided to go to the ER later, and he had to talk to the police and everything so I got transported in the ambulance and I was scared. My pulse was about 160. They put me in a room, asked more questions, made me put on a hospital gown. My pulse was 150. Adam's mom came in and I was so glad to see someone I knew. I had to get my leg x-rayed and when I came back my mom was there. I was sooo happy to see her. Adam must have called her after I got in the ambulance. All this time though I keep asking where's Adam, where's Adam? I want Adam here. He finally came in, but he couldn't really bend over to kiss me, but I hugged him and stuff. My pulse was 140. It wasn't going down enough. They gave me something for anxiety. Ativan. Didn't really do much. It made me a little confused though. They put an IV in my arm. They put something in it to make my heart restart or something. I guess it worked though, because they released me, but I couldn't walk for the life of me. Adam was still waiting to be seen so we just left. Got home after midnight. Took some vicodin and went to bed. Today both Adam and I don't have to work, and I am sure glad of that.
Turns out the lady in the big van that hit us had a suspended license. Adam's car got towed this morning, it might not be fixable.

I'm just glad we're not dead.

4 atrocities| inflict me

Got a job [30 Jun 2005|02:30am]
[ mood | restless ]

So I have finally found a job. I will be watching my niece, Jadyn. She's only 2 months old. I start tomorrow. Actually in five hours. I can't sleep. I'm nervous and excited. I hope it works out. Today was Jadyn's first day at daycare and her mom, Kristine, (we'll talk about her more later) dropped in for a surprise visit and did not like what she saw there so grandma had to go get the baby and I volunteered to do it for cheaper. $125 a week, not bad really. It will help Adam and I out a whole lot. I was starting to worry how we'd ever be able to afford a honeymoon. The wedding should be on June 24th, 2006. But my parents really need to reserve the place I want before it's taken. So I asked my friend Faith to be a bridesmaid today and she was like, "I would be honored to be your bridesmaid". So cool. I think I'm more excited about going to Disney World for our honeymoon than the actual wedding. I really don't like social events. Crosstide might play at our reception, which would be awesome. But yeah, in 5 hours I will be on diaper duty. I am so happy that I will be getting paid to watch Jadyn. So cool.

inflict me

Gloomy [04 Jun 2005|03:44pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

Is anyone else really depressed by the weather today? The 10 day forecast gives little hope for sun. Is it always like this here in June?

1 atrocity| inflict me

[27 May 2005|02:55pm]
01. Think of the first word that comes to mind when you think of me. (dont tell me what it is)
02. Run a google image search on that word.
03. Reply to this entry & post that picture.
04. Put this in your journal, so I can do the same
5 atrocities| inflict me

survey shit [04 Apr 2005|12:33pm]
1. Spell your first name backwards: Refinnej
2. The story behind your user name: It was supposed to be purity but it was a typo
3. How old are you: 19
4. Where do you live: Hillsboro, OR
5. Wallet – I don't have money, so I have no wallet
6. Hairbrush – The blue one with the air in it
7. Toothbrush – Pink & Clear
8. Jewelry worn daily - my engagement ring
10. Pillow cover - lavendar, matches the sheets
11. Blanket – Purple velvet... oh so nice
13. Sunglasses – I don't wear them anymore
14. Favorite shirt – my green element one with the gray sleeves
15. Cologne/Perfume – BCBG Sexy
16. CD in stereo right now – Joss Stone
17. Piercing – Ears, took out my eyebrow months ago
18. What you are wearing now – pajamas: really comfy pants, black t-shirt, superman underwear, socks, and a sweater
19. In my head – absolutely nothing
20. Wishing – to go to disney world
21. After this – Call Adam, eat lunch, maybe I'll get dressed today
22. If you could get away with it and murder anyone, who and for what reason – my father
23. Person you wish you could see right now – Adam
24. Some of your favorite movies – umm.. can't think right now
25. Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming month – : looks at calendar : Nothing. How sad. :(
26. The last thing you ate – stale crackers
27. Something that you are deathly afraid of – spiders being on me
28. Do you like candles – mm hmmm
29. Do you like incense – yeah but I don't use them
30. Do you like the taste of blood – It's ok I guess
31. Do you believe in love – of course
32. Do you believe in soul mates - ehh sure
33. Do you believe in love at first sight - no way.
34. Do you believe in Heaven - no
35. Do you believe in God - no
36. What do you want done with your body when you die – fuck if I know
37. If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be? – a puppy
38. What is the longest you've ever stayed up - probably 24 hours
39. Can you eat with chopsticks – yes
40. What's your favorite coin – the chocolate ones
41. What are some of your favorite candies – runts, gummy worms, skittles
42. What's something that you wish people would understand - Don't touch someone unless they want to be touched
43. What's something you wish you could understand better – everything
44. Who is someone that you really wish was still around - my friends
R e l a t I o n s h I p s
45. Who are your best friends? I don't really have friends
46. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? I have a fiance
47. Longest relationship? like love-time relationship? 16 months
48. How many actual relationships have you been in? 5
49. How many people have you kissed? in a love-type way? 12... ew I'm a slut
50. Are you shy around your crush? My crush is on TV... so no
51. Still have feelings for anyone you've been in a past relationship with? I think about them from time to time.
52. Do you know what it feels like to be in love? Yes
53. Would you sacrifice your favorite possession for your best friends? Well... if I had a best friend...
f a s h i o n | s t u f f
54. Where is your favorite place to shop? Pacific Sunwear or Zumiez
55. Have any tattoos or piercings? Ears but I want a tattoo
56. What is your favorite thing to wear? jeans and a t-shirt
57. What is a must have accessory? thong
58. How much is the most you've ever spent on a single item of clothing? My jeans cost $60
60. Who is the least fashionable person you know? ummm good question
61. Do you match your belt with your hair color? no, retard
62. What is the worst thing you've ever thought looked good? Huge pants & slipknot shirts
64. How many pairs of shoes do you own? over 10
65. What is the worst trend you see today? ponchos
s p e c i f i c s
1. Do you do drugs? sometimes...
2. What kind of shampoo do you use? Herbal Essences but lately dandruff shit
3. What is your favorate brand of condom? Umm trojan?
4. What are you listening to right now? my cat scratching herself
5. Who was the last person you called? Adam, to warn him about the hail
6. Where do you want to get married? McMenamin's Cornelious Pass Roadhouse
7. How many buddies are online right now? I'm not "signed on"
8. What would you change about yourself? my head. New face, new hair, new brain
9. What are essentials in your life? Sleep, food, attention
10. If you had the power to do any one thing, what would it be? get a job
12. Do you send out holiday cards each year? I did this year. Because I'm a big girl now.
h a v e | y o u | e v e r
1. Given someone a bath? only animals
2. Smoked? yes
3. Bungee jumped? No but I would love to
4. Made yourself throw up? no
5. Skinny dipped? no
6. Made yourself cry to get out of trouble? I've tried...
7. Cried when someone died? of course.
8. Fallen for your best friend? no
9. Been rejected? yes
10. Rejected someone? I don't think so...
11. Used someone? only for sex
12. Been used? probably
c u r r e n t
1. Hair: ugly
2. Music: nothing
3. Make-up: none
4. Annoyance: my impending doooooom
3 atrocities| inflict me

[31 Mar 2005|11:42am]
[ mood | weird ]

Last night I had a hard time falling asleep. I was tossing and turning and stressing about stuff for a long time. Next thing I know I feel Adam's elbow so I tried to move over to give him room but I couldn't move! My body would not move when I commanded it to! I tried to scream but my mouth wouldn't move and no sounds came from my mouth. I was so scared. Then it was over. So I learned that I had experienced sleep paralysis. The weird thing was that last night while trying to fall asleep I tried to will myself to have an out of body experience. I tried counting to 100 very slowly. I did have an experience but I was stuck in my body the whole time. I didn't like it at all.

inflict me

[26 Jan 2005|10:57am]
[ mood | geeky ]

Would anyone want to bang you? by phobia
Favorite Food:
Wants to Bang you:
This many times:229
Quiz created with MemeGen!
7 atrocities| inflict me

I'm engaged! [25 Dec 2004|05:17am]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

Adam proposed to me last night! Of course I said yes. The ring is beautiful and the moment was perfect. This is the best Christmas ever. :)

2 atrocities| inflict me

Pictures! [05 Nov 2004|08:53am]
[ mood | thirsty ]

I finally got some pictures on here of my new kitty! Her name is Roxy and she's kinda retarded.
My cat is a kung foo master!Collapse )

3 atrocities| inflict me

Yay! [29 Oct 2004|02:48pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

This morning I went in for my "employment test" at Michael's and they called me back 2 hours later (they said it would take a few days) and asked me to come in for an interview on Monday!!!
I'm so very excited. *dances*
I walked around a bit to see who was working and there are a few girls my age and a few guys (mostly gay!) and some old ladies. The lady that gave me the test had hair on her chin. I lost my appetite there.... so nasty.
I wore my new clothes, I look great, and I feel happy. Soon there may be money in my pocket. But not for long. I need to buy christmas gifts and get a home phone and take my Adam out for dinner.

Wish me luck!

1 atrocity| inflict me

[23 Oct 2004|11:25am]
[ mood | exhausted ]

Gotta stay awake... just half an hour more...
Michael's (the arts and crafts store) called me yesterday but I missed their call so I called them back and the hiring person wasn't there. She's supposed to call me before noon. I'm fucking exhausted, seeing as I didn't go to bed until 5 and Adam woke me up at 9:30. Whenever I play the Sims 2 I always lose track of time. Plus we went to Pizza Hut last night and we came home and I went to bed. I'm still feeling shitty but not as bad. I need a fucking job! I have applied to many jobs:
Meier and Frank
Wells Fargo
Data entry job
Admin Assistant job
Vet receptionist

next I'm going to apply for the Gap, Hot Topic, Pacific Sunwear, and Bombay (which are opening up this weekend two blocks from my house)I'll also try Haggen, Target, Party City, and Coffee People

Need money... anyone wanna buy my Nikon?

1 atrocity| inflict me

[21 Oct 2004|03:19am]
[ mood | sick ]

I'm sick. I'm getting off Zoloft. God if I had known what hell I'd have to go through to get off this shit. It's almost as bad as going without a cigarette for a week. I have a fever and I get chills and hot flashes, I feel like I need to throw up, I can't sleep at night. I spontaneously cry and feel like I want to die. I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs, and then I can't move at all.
Check out this website http://www.adrugrecall.com/zoloft/withdrawal.html
Drug companies are evil. Insurance companies are evil. My health insurance runs out on Jan. 2nd. Zoloft, without insurance, costs $179 for 60 100mg pills. The doctors had me on 200mg a day. Oh and I got charged $175 to talk to a doctor for five minutes to get a prescription for this shit (and that's after what the insurance covers!). I'm going to have to go to the clinic for my birth control pills. No way I could afford a gynocologist. I would like to do therapy again, but it would just be impossible. It doesn't pay to get individual insurance because the premiums are more than what my meds would cost and they limit everything. I just want this fucking Zoloft of out my body. I am just so sick of feeling this way.

inflict me

what doesn't kill me makes me stronger [06 Aug 2004|11:01am]
*sigh* Lately things haven't been so easy. I snap at Adam for no reason, or for stupid little things like dragging his feet on the carpet. I love him so much and I can't stand to put him through this.
But everything changed 2 days ago. It was a normal day, Adam was off work, we took a nap and woke up to a gunshot. We didn't know it at the time. About an hour later a police officer knocked on our door and asked us if we had heard anything going on upstairs. There was a guy hanging around waiting for the guy that lives there to come home. I guess he let him in the apartment and then went back to work and when he came home around 5 he found him dead in the bathtub. Shot himself in the head. It happened like literally maybe 20 feet away from where we were sleeping. The apartment upstairs is laid out exactly like ours. All I could think of was the blood in the bathtub, right above ours, right upstairs. I cried deep sobs of grief, pain, disgust, despair. I didn't even have much tears, it was like the sobs were coming from deep inside me. I needed to get out of there. We grabbed some stuff and headed to Adam's mom's for the night. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't get it out of my head. Well now I'm back home, the guy upstairs is having people move all his stuff out, but I still feel the negativity in the air. I'm afraid to shower alone... I get a sick feeling whenever I go in the bathroom. I'm tired and my nerves are shot. I just want to get out of here...
Well the job search has been blah. I got an interview for Meier and Frank on Tuesday. I went to a modeling interview and they said to come back when I get my teeth fixed. We are going to move into the two bedroom apartment next door the beginning of September. I'm happy. I'm going to paint it and decorate and make it all nice. Right now Adam's horror posters and swords and movies and toys are our decorations. Ick.
Well I have Jimmy here with me now, I love that damn cat. Right now he is playing with my rats. He likes to watch them. Adam's at work and I'm going back to bed.
1 atrocity| inflict me

[01 Jul 2004|10:18am]
My Best Friend is junkpuppet
Our 14 common interests are: anne rice, aqua teen hunger force, candles, cheesecake, jack off jill, mindless self indulgence, music, nirvana, photography, reading, the witching hour, vampires, wicca, writing
Who is your best friend?
Created by macoto
3 atrocities| inflict me

What's up [12 Jun 2004|03:57pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

I puked the other night, for the first time in like 10 years. It was disgusting. I had tacos for dinner and all the ground beef came up my throat. Ack! I think I had like a little bug or something, I was feeling like shit, seriously. Anyway... what's new... I cried at my graduation because I'm a pussy and too emotional, but it was good, I'm glad I went. I'm glad it's done with. I got lots of money. We're also selling stuff on ebay, some of my old clothes, some records, some t-shirts... hopefully we'll be ok with money. I need to get a job. I was working out a lot before I got sick. I think I need some more time to rest though. I got a new rat. His name is Chucky lookie!Collapse )

inflict me

Have you seen this girl? [04 Jun 2004|04:42pm]
[ mood | sore ]


I have been following this story closely, for some reason I feel like it could have been me. I've had dreams about her. I just wish that she gets home safely.
1 atrocity| inflict me

Blah blah buhhhh blaaaah [03 May 2004|03:34pm]
I'm bored. I thought it would be cold and rainy today but it's sunny and warm but it doesn't feel right. I really should take a shower and do something... maybe check the mail. But I doubt we got anything. I should get a job or something... I don't know what to cook for dinner. I'm tired of making the same thing over and over again. Mashed potatoes, chicken shake n bake, and corn. Tacos. Chicken nuggets with mac & cheese. Frozen pizza. Damn sameness. I'm slowly stopping my Zoloft. In 3 days I'll be completely off. It's not going so good so far... I'm scared.
inflict me

[26 Apr 2004|04:50pm]
[ mood | restless ]

Today is very hot. I laid out in the sun earlier, reading my book, but I finished it so I went in and started another. I'm starting the Anne Rice Sleeping Beauty series. I took a bath and a cold shower earlier. I still feel icky all over.

inflict me

Pictures [23 Apr 2004|07:07pm]
[ mood | hungry ]

Adam and I went for a walk yesterday and we took one picture of eachother... just thought I'd share
click for the picsCollapse )

1 atrocity| inflict me

sick and bored [09 Apr 2004|05:10pm]
stupid surveyCollapse )
inflict me

Lucifer is my baby! [09 Apr 2004|04:41pm]
[ mood | sick ]

(click here for larger image)

Ain't he so cute?! I love him! He's a rat, I know.
3 atrocities| inflict me

[08 Apr 2004|12:34am]
Adam got me a rat today. His name is Lucifer. He's so cute.
1 atrocity| inflict me

boorrrrrrrrreeeeeeeddddddddddddddddd [21 Mar 2004|03:45pm]
[ mood | bored ]

I'm so bored... waiting for Adam to come home... another hour and a half... going to his momma's for dinner... maybe I'll kick his ass at fooseball...

stupid surveysCollapse )

inflict me

[11 Mar 2004|01:34pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Yesterday I finished high school and moved in with Adam.

6 atrocities| inflict me

[16 Feb 2004|03:22pm]
I love you Adam!
3 atrocities| inflict me

Funny observation [14 Feb 2004|07:18pm]
A commercial for Beaverton Honda says that if the used car you buy from them is not the best you can bring it back. Then it shows some angry dude driving through the store front window and in those tiny words on the bottom of the screen it says:
Dramatization. Please do not drive through our window.

It was cute.

Anyway it's Valentine's Day and Adam is making me dinner. Well I'm going to try to help but uhh I suck at cooking. My parents went to the Linkin Park concert tonight. They are so weird.
2 atrocities| inflict me

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